IF I HAD A CHOICE!!

Its Raining outside, Raining in my eyes too… I don’t know what all thoughts are running through my mind…. Memories from the time I spent with her kept haunting me again… She made me smile but at the same time I could taste my tears too..

 I am ‘Rahul’ a software engineer. This is my story…But it will only be complete if she is here with me..She.. my love,my vision,my inspiration, my best friend, my sweetheart ‘Neha’. She was my everything... May be I was bound by my stars to live a lonely life. May that’s why I ended up so.

 It was ‘2005’…..My school days…… ‘Rule breakers’! Oh God what a group it was! Rohan, Arjun, Nikhil and Rahul. Everyone was scared of us..We were Rule breakers..Hostellers! A lot of joys, laughs, bunking classes, movies, thrills, love….!! I don’t know how to explain my school days. Arjun was the most genuine and innocent person in our group, or he was different from the three of us. Still now enjoying those memories.. I feel like I am only 15...

It was a rainy day four of us were trying to bunk classes. I remember….it was principal’s hour. Oh God horrible Maths. We planned to go for a film and decided to get out of the campus anyway.. Accidently we were caught by a student.. A Girl.. My ‘Neha’..! I didn’t know even her name at  that time. She was a little child then .Studying in 9^th standard. Arjun started crying.. Rohan tried to console him. Nikhil stood frozen. But My eyes was stuck on her eyes.. It was amazingly awesome.. ‘I could see the depth of oceans, heavens, gardens, my happiness in her eyes, only at that first sight. Everyone was scared because if she complains, it will be the end of the day for us .Three of my friends started begging her not to inform the authorities. But I didn’t ...‘How can I beg to my Love of Life???’…

To astonishment she herself had  got scared and ran away. Arjun started complaining about our decisions for bunking class. But I was happy. Nikhil and Rohan were in a mental process to recollect her class and face. I could see everyone.But I didn’t speak a word. Not because I was frightened.. Just because I was stuck in her eyes. After that hour we entered class.. Everyone started cursing the day.. But for me it was the best day! Four of us were eager to hear Principal’s call.But for God’s grace the day ended nicely..I couldn’t sleep that night.. When I close my eyes the only thing I could see was her eyes..I wish I could turn the earth to change night to morning..I don’t remember when I slept…

.Sun’s first rays fell on my face….It was the most happy day. Enthusiastically I entered the corridors of St. Albert’s for the first time after the first day in that campus. The only thing in my mind was to find ‘Her’…Went to 9^th sections along with Arjun. Sincerely I was frightened of the other two in these matters. I told Arjun about my feelings. His only reply was a naughty smile..!He led me to a class room where I found my Love…Surprisingly Arjun called her ‘Neha’…It was his cousin sister that’s why he was so scared yesterday. He feared if Neha tell this to his parents..! Oh God I melted like an ice cube in front of him.’It was his cousin and I told all these to him!!!’ She turned back and smiled at him,walked towards us…My heart was beating tremendously fast..!She came near him and laughed recollecting yesterday’s incident. While hearing her laughter I skipped a beat in my heart…She was up to my ears. He introduced me, she looked at me and smiled. I think her name was engraved on my Heart, because I felt a pain there..We returned. I was ashamed to look at him...But I pretend like nothing had happened…

                                        I couldn’t forget her.. All my thoughts were filled by her smile and eyes..I could think about it seriously. But I was only 15 and she is 14…May be it was just a teenage infatuation..But everytime I saw her my heart wished to tell her I was in Love... But my brain didn’t allowed that. Above all  she was Arjun’s cousin. For me she must be like a sister.I tried to teach my heart these facts…Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone your heart still belongs to…!!Here another chapter in my life starts…

                                          Through Arjun we communicated well.I think through her I understood manythings…Life…Relations..everything…She healed the pains of my broken childhood of separated parents,lonely hostel rooms.She filled happiness in my sorrows…someone told the best way to love a girl is to make her laugh..but everytime she laugh, it was me who felt deeply for her. Meeting her was an accident but now I found love and care. I am 17 now..The need to be with her increased everyday.But I was reluctant. I studied late nights.. worked hard only for a better future along with her..I think Iam in love with her deeply.. Waited alone in nights for the sun to rise. I completed my 12^th with 94%. Nikhil failed. Arjun passed with 92% and Rohan with 76%. Everyone was astonished about my marks. But my reason for that was:

                    ‘Behind every successful man there is a woman’ 

for me it was my Neha… Everyday,Every minute, Every second, I fell deeper and deeper in love with her. But everytime I postpond that …. I was reluctant to tell her…

Finally I went out of Albert’s … She was there waving her hands for  a better tomorrow for me.. But she don’t even understand I won’t be happy without her… For her I am only her best friend … But…

Completed my 18 years of life…started studying in Nehru University for my software engineering.. Oh God it was the most struggleful days of my life… She was in Patna and I was in Chattisgarh… without talking , without seeing.. I stood under the shower and cried hard for her but no one cared… no one heared… she was my life.. everything else was just everything else… 1 year passed…

God has a plan in everyone’s life. For me I think it was Neha.. She came as a Junior in my college… Endless joy more than getting 100% in an exam… She is my Best Friend  even now..But……

                                                                                        To be continued

Written by: Akshara Sasikumar